A Valley

It was definitely one of those days. I got frustrated. We all got frustrated I think. It hasn't been an easy road. Every day I feel so torn. You see I was supposed to be spending this summer doing fun things with Corbin before Mason came. We can do some but anytime I am with Corbin I am wondering and wanting to be with Mason. Anytime I am with Mason I am wishing and wondering about Corbin. Josh and I are exhausted and stressed. Josh still has to deal with work and I am getting up every 2 and  a half hours to pump at night to keep my milk supply up. We are making it through all of this through God and your prayers and notes of encouragement. Thank you.

But nevertheless it still was a hard day. They extubated Mason and intubated him again all in the same day. Yesterday he was taken off his fentanyl (pain medicine) and they decreased his hydrocortisone again to continue to wean him off of it. He just didn't look happy. Right before they came to extubate his heart rate increased really high to 200+ and he was really hot. His temperature sensor wasn't reading correctly so they had to wait until he got cooler and then they took his breathing tube out. I had to leave but apparently that didn't go well. He got really upset and wouldn't calm down. They had to give him some medicine to calm him down. And some more. He was not happy. They had his oxygen up to 100% and he still was only taking in 80% or less on the monitor. They did a chest x-ray to see what was going on and they saw fluid on his lungs. They haven't done an x-ray in awhile because he has been doing so well so we don't really know how long that has been there. They gave him some lasix to draw off the fluid and pulled 30 cc of air off his stomach. His heart rate continued to stay high and his respiration was up. By the time Josh and I got there last night it wasn't good. I held him for a bit to try to get him to calm down and they were able to wean his oxygen down to 70% but by then the NP came in and said she wasn't comfortable with this. The tube went back in. Now everyone had told us it was likely that this would happen. And that the whole world of the NICU is a roller coaster...5 steps forward and 3 steps backward. But living it is a whole different thing. Feeling sick to your stomach and watching your little child suffer is a whole different thing.

Josh called this morning and he handled the intubation well. After the initial period he calmed d back down and his heart rate came back down and he is back down to 42% on his oxygen instead of 100%. He still had periods wear he got really hot during the night and his nurse said that she thinks it is just him working himself up and that it could also be due to his brain bleed.  They didn't end up putting him on the CIPAPP. I am not sure what they did put him on but it was supposed to be smarter technology. The little nasal tubes were having a hard time even staying in his nose since it is so tiny and they had a difficult time with any of them getting a good seal. I guess Mason just needs to grow a little bit and get a little stronger before this happens again. The NP said it also might be an airway issue that he might be swollen and puffy and not be able to get air appropriately towards his lungs. They also started feeds yesterday so hopefully he will tolerate those. Through all of this I must remember that God is here with us, carrying us through it all.

Psalm 23:1-4

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for though art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.